I got footprints on my face from being walked on so many times. It's ruthless. When my brother walked on me this time, I finally felt that release of not ever wanted to be walked on again. I pay for this kids cell phone, I helped him get into two different rehabs, I picked him up from the Emergency Room at 2 in the morning when he got picked up by EMT's and taken in an ambulance to the hospital because he drank himself close to death and passed out in the middle of the street, I bought him food, I gave him a roof over his head, I was an ear for him to talk to and a shoulder if he ever needed to lean on, (AND THIS WAS ALL IN THE ONE WEEK HE WAS HERE WHEN WE CAME BACK FROM MY MOMS FUNERAL) BUT he kept me in stone cold silence and let the booze do the talking for him. I know our life has been rough, yeah we lost both our parents wicked unexpectedly and it has been a traumatic existence at times BUT I do not believe that empowers anyone with the right to absolutely walk all over the ones who try to be closest to you. AT LEAST SAY SOMETHING. He says nothing to me, absolutely nothing, not even a hint to what hurts his soul. AND if he didnt want to talk with me, I also told him I would pay for him to speak with a therapist. But still nothing. I refuse to let this life make me think for even one second that I am a victim. Yes life is ruthless but when you start referring to yourself as a victim, you stop living life. This life owes NO ONE ANYTHING. You gotta get out there and make this life work for you. Adjust your attitude. Attitude is everything in this life. And even when life beats you down, kicks your a$$, and works you over (like sometimes I feel it has done to my family and me)... GET BACK UP AND GET READY FOR THE NEXT ROUND. You can't loose every round, and in fact the only reason we as humans know the feeling of joy is because we have encountered the presence of pain in our lives. It is true. The sunniest days are the ones that come right after the rain, it makes you appreciate how beautiful the sunny day is when you were entrenched in the rain.
I don't regret having footprints on my face, because they are the footprints of those I love. I just hope that I did enough to help them while I was able to give my help. I love my brother so much and I don't know exact reasons he hates me or uses me or walks on me BUT I love him nonetheless. I have to now take care of myself and hope and pray that he can find his way on the right path, the path that does not harm him or put him in moral, spiritual, or physical jeopardy.
If you pray please pray from him. My heart hurts bad, a pain so deep that healing seems irrational.
