m1dn1ght s01L

Instinctually I knew the moon
dressed arrival in her midnight tomb
tethered to the oceans womb
vitality accordingly sought attune
indigenous paupers of the soil
luminous in the valley of midnight oil
author of seasons; only acknowledging the Most High royal
I witness her glory; the midnight sun; lustrous & radiant amidst where darkness toils
-LouII

Death would be easy

Death would be the easy way out. Not hafta face anyone or anything in this life. Especially myself. My truth. The truth I perceive of the ways things feel. Death would be easy. Life is the road less taken. Truly, truthfully, painfully honest, and exposed living is facing fear eye to eye, toe to toe, and standing in the face of all that we perceive of ourself.

Am I just fahkt in this life. I've been taught by God Himself to not jsut thank Him and be thankful in the good times.. But in these trying, stressful, arduous times. And I say Thanks be to God for this. I will take your test and if I fail reprimand me. I know myself well enough to understand that sometimes I unwillingly force myself to learn the hahhhd way. I'm not wise enough yet, or will I eva be *is what my self doubt says*.

And when I love. I love with no regret. Love will neva be a regret of mine. But am I destined to loose love more this way. Am I just fahkt.

Does this stop with death. I'm afraid not. Especially if the choices I make here and now, in this life, on this earth, fail God.

I'm so sad that through the stress of this all... I can not and neva will be able to call my parents. I force myself to turn to God. I went from a man who turned to drugs and the bottle now turning to the bible. God is the only one who can fully understand the depths of my pain. So why not turn to the one who needs no back story... needs no explanations... just needs you.

Are we still Warriors on these days. I dont know. I'd hope to think so. But hope is so hahhhd to find around here in these pahhhts. And I answer my own question when I look in His word.

Struggle. A weird word. So simple. Two syllables. Yet such power

Faith. and even more basic word yet so complex. With the most power of any word eva. Yet so tough to understand

This.... This is what I wish I could do... Lyrically wise....

So so Dope. I want to write like this.... I have poetry reminiscent of this.


my brother introduced me to Atmosphere. Changed my life - I didnt know this existed. I love finding out things that I thought did not exist or were extinct - really do exist... it gives me Hope.
Never compromise your self morals for anything or anyone. The people who love you.. will love you for those qualities. And if you find your surrounded by those who want to change that about you.. you maybe want to rethink your inner circle. Just my opinion - take its value for what it costs

From my devotionals this morning - God is absolutely just. He loves, and He forgives, but He does not compromise His righteousness. God deals with us uniquely.
And from my otha - If you dont find what your doing a labor of love, try changing your attitude. Or try changing your circumstances.

Like my woman... I didnt think a person like her existed.. someone who is morally built on such a solid foundation of character. She has a deep understanding of who she is.. it's so real & honest. It is something that takes years of life experience to develop and figure out. But she gets it.. She is a beautiful woman.. one of the most beautiful women I've eva met.. But what I find most attractive about her is not her looks(although its definitly 1A).. it's deeper than that.. it's her strong character.. the make-up of her mind.. her personality and her understanding of who she is and her wants.. this life is tough and exterior forces constantly try to influence who we are as people and what our goals should be - so to find someone who does not let these things alter their morality.. or affect the person they are and the confidence in who they are... is such a rarity I feel. She has this savvy sexiness about her.. she has this artistic canny witt. She has this innate ability to understand me. I'm wicked fortunate & extremely blessed to have this woman in my life. Loyal to a fault is my drug.
I've had this goal in my life... kinda sat in the background of my mind.. I dont like to talk about it because I feel like its a wicked feminine quality.. Its a goal of having my own family. Becoming this rad husband & father. I want to create this stellar home and I feel this native longing inside to be the patriarch and protector for my home and my family. I think it stems my life. And my lessons learned in the importance of family. Loosing my parents has made it ring louder and louder, bringing it to the surface.. But the weird thing is.. I thought I would never find this. I thought there was no one compatible for me afta going through some many relationships and never getting that feeling of there being "the one".
Okay this is getting too personal and I am going to cut myself off......
I dont know why I share this stuff.. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I think what I was trying to say was that I believe we all kinda would like to think that there is someone out there that we are meant to spend our life with. Someone who has our back through thick and thin always by our side.

I tend to sometimes relate my life (And I know this sounds weird) to Good Will Hunting. I love that movie so much and I feel like its written from real life. The moments and relationships it captures are so detail-ly accurate, it speaks to me. And I tend to relate to have those life moments. Or those type of moments that captures the passion of life... I know its a movie but it translates these universal human truths and emotions so well.
I had this amazing discussion with my Aunt last night. My Mums sister can speak to me and I hear my mum. It's so nice having the feeling that someone is in your corner unconditionally. I have that with her. Sometimes I dont feel like I deserve it and its hard for me to understand why I am so fortunate to have that.. But I am working on just trust, trusting it. I totally understand it though because that is how I am with my family members. Unconditionally in their corner.