Death would be the easy way out. Not hafta face anyone or anything in this life. Especially myself. My truth. The truth I perceive of the ways things feel. Death would be easy. Life is the road less taken. Truly, truthfully, painfully honest, and exposed living is facing fear eye to eye, toe to toe, and standing in the face of all that we perceive of ourself.
Am I just fahkt in this life. I've been taught by God Himself to not jsut thank Him and be thankful in the good times.. But in these trying, stressful, arduous times. And I say Thanks be to God for this. I will take your test and if I fail reprimand me. I know myself well enough to understand that sometimes I unwillingly force myself to learn the hahhhd way. I'm not wise enough yet, or will I eva be *is what my self doubt says*.
And when I love. I love with no regret. Love will neva be a regret of mine. But am I destined to loose love more this way. Am I just fahkt.
Does this stop with death. I'm afraid not. Especially if the choices I make here and now, in this life, on this earth, fail God.
I'm so sad that through the stress of this all... I can not and neva will be able to call my parents. I force myself to turn to God. I went from a man who turned to drugs and the bottle now turning to the bible. God is the only one who can fully understand the depths of my pain. So why not turn to the one who needs no back story... needs no explanations... just needs you.
Are we still Warriors on these days. I dont know. I'd hope to think so. But hope is so hahhhd to find around here in these pahhhts. And I answer my own question when I look in His word.
Struggle. A weird word. So simple. Two syllables. Yet such power
Faith. and even more basic word yet so complex. With the most power of any word eva. Yet so tough to understand
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