I dont know what my devotional means. I can not decipher when it says to be a light in a world. Like I can not make it a living meaning.
I try to have a relationship with my brothers.
I try to communicate with my woman.
I feel shut out at times, and by times I feel its more than it should be. Shut out. But I am not prying, which I am told, I just want a means of communication. At times it feels completely absent. Maybe I'm fahked then. Maybe I need to regroup and surround with more like minded, who dont think communication is prying or completely undoable. 
Jesus tells me to love, to forgive, but how do I protect my heart. All the love and forgiveness leads to being vunerable and crushed. And I feel its not good to continue to let someone continually crush you. But I am just told to love and forgive, so I do.And feel like with nothing to protect and a continual gush of love is bound to allow people to see the vunerability in you and use it up, all your love.