Once a while.

Once a while I think about the things that I miss out on today if my dad was still alive, I try not to think of it too much because it can really get me down, But I have to let my mind go there sometimes. And sometimes I let my mind wander and in my head I still talk to my dad, almost as if he is still here.
I know I am a guy, and guys shouldn't really give a rip about this stuff But I am going to be totally honest here... It makes me wicked sad to think about the future and getting married and my Pops not being there. I always thought I would have my dad there to give a small speech, to say something, But it crushes my heart to know that will never happen. The other thing that I really don't ever share is about my dad being there when I hopefully eventually some day have kids. I always wanted my pops to be there and share the moment with me like his dad had shared with him. And I always looked forward to hearing stories about when I was born and have my pops tell me about what he experienced when he first saw me. I try to keep those thoughts far away from everything because it can be so devastating to think about. I know that isn't usually considered guy stuff and it certainly isn't something I like to admit... but it's truth.
Things that I know I will never have the joy of experiencing... I tell myself it's okay when I know that it's really not. It's tough to not feel like I was cheated... But that is the hand I was dealt. No use in complaining about it. Just need to cope and move on.