Warriors

I felt compelled to have a talk with my roommate the other day, before Christmas, on Christmas Eve actually. I felt compelled because I felt his actions and words and energy had been so detramental (spelling) to my family (meaning my brothers).
A few weeks back, he told my brother that he was not celebrating Christmas (I hold no grudge with this). He also shared that he stopped believing in God (I do hold grudge with this, but only because I have lived with this kid for years now, 24 hours a day 7 days a week and my feelings on this will be addressed at a later point). But I truly and honestly believe that this is America and everyone can have their own beliefs or non-beliefs.... it's what makes this Nation the greatest one in history. I try to hold that notion of a Nation as part of my core values, but I also feel like I can have my beliefs and they should not be impeded on as well.
So where my hurt began was when my brother came to me to share that this is what our roommate had said to him. I know my brother well. I know that this had done something to him, hearing this stuff from an older kid, someone who is supposed to help pave the way and show right from wrong..... And yes we are all adults but I still strongly believe that no matter how old we get, we are all still like children on the inside and we all look up to older people for guidance or whatevahhh it be.

Now let me set the stage a little for what this hurt me so deeply..... I will not reveal everything but some.... My brothers and I lost our mother, unexpectedly and in my mind tragically. This is our first Christmas with out her and no matter which one of us says that it hasnt been tough or that both our parents being dead isnt affecting them at Christmas time, well, it is, no matter what they say, it sucks and its wicked rough and this being the first Christmas with both our parents dead, well, there was a deep sadness in all our hearts no matter what words come out, this sadness was so deep that to the untrained eye, you would not see it.

That being said, there have been MANY other struggles as of recent, ones I do not want to go into.... But one thing I count on is my friends and family to help be there, just be a form of support through these rough and rugged times. Which I must say, my friends and fam have been nothing short of miracle workers at times and at other times have always been there to if only give a hug when needed. And yes, being 2000 miles away is tougher than sh*t, especially when you just want to go give them a hug and pyshically (spelling) be with them and you cant - f*ckin sucks... no getting around that one.... But they have done the best with a bad situation like my brothers and I have tried to do. And phone calls are placed, texts are sent and the social networking is in full effect to let one another know that no matter what, we are there for each other.
So back to the story....
I knew that this irked my brother hearing from our roommate that he not only would not be celebrating Christmas but that he stopped his belief in God. Now when I hear that, I say okay, man that is tough because I have heard form this roommates lips that he know there is God and how wonderful God is and that he put his faith and trust in the Lord, so to out of the blue have him say this..... was odd. But okay, I can get along with that. Where I can't let it slide is when you are telling that to someone who is going through the roughest patch of sh*t storm that they have been through in there life.... This is a 24 year old who lost both his parents tragically and is having one of the hardest times in life right now, and can no deal with it or does not know how to yet... And BTW who has been leaning on God to get him through this storm..... SO OKAY, WICKED INCONSIDERATE. But I know this, my roommate can be a miserable person and on occasion likes to bring people into his misery. THAT IS WHERE I TAKE A STAND AND WILL NOT ALLOW MY BLOOD, MY BROTHER, TO BE DRAGGED INTO THIS KIDS MISERY AND SH*T THAT HE HIMSELF HAS CREATED FOR HIMSELF.
Now to speed up the story, my roommate also received Christmas cards form loved ones and money from his mother which he sent the christmas cards back to them and HE SAYS he told his mom to take the money back.... This is not my business but I felt compelled to speak up for this kids family who was just doing nice gestures for him because they obviously know something is not right with him if he is saying this kind of stuff. So I tell him that he might wnat to think and look at things from his moms point of view and consider their feelings in all this. I said, you sending those cards back is like a slap in their face. And I know it aint my business but I know his mom and she is a hard working good woman who loves her son. I told him that I WISH I WISH I WISH I could just tell my mom I love her this Christmas but I cant because my mom is dead. And that he, EVEN IF HE DOESNT BELIEVE IN GOD OR WANT TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS, AT LEAST AT LEAST AT LEAST BE GRATEFUL AND APPRECIATIVE THAT YOUR MOTHER LOVES YOU AND IS SENDING YOU MONEY!!!!! I am so upset over this because this kid walks around sometimes in this pity party for himself when he sees what I have been going through and how bad life can really be sometimes, And I FEEL he takes so much for granted. I explained to him, that at least your mom sends you money, I had to pay for my mom for the last few years to get her a cell phone and keep it on, to help keep her heat on, and if I wanted to see her I had to help pay for her ticket to come out here....... So I tell him to consider himself one step ahead of the game because his mom is AT LEAST SENDING HIM MONEY. And I told him I felt like he was being a dick by telling her to take it back. I feel so badly like he doesnt realize how awesome that is that his mom loves him enough and cares enough to send him a little something for Christmas. WTF MAN!!!!
Now my point in saying all this to him was that he was WICKED F*CKING INCONSIDERATE to my brothers by rubbing this sh*t in their faces.... they just lost their mom and your telling them all about how mad you are that your mom sent you money. WHAT A F*CKIN JERK. DOOOOD DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE STRUGGLING WITH THE FACT THAT THEIR MOM JUST DIED and that they have to cope somehow just to get through this Christmas..... And this kid has the balls to complain about his mom sending him a card and money, TO THEM! HE SAID THIS SH*T TO MY BROTHERS! I was irate. I just wanted to consideration that this is a rough time for us and keep it to yourself if the worst thing you are complaining about it getting a gift from your mom. Dude, you sound spoiled..... is what I told him.
And this kids has known us, and my parents, so its not some stranger who doesnt know what is happening in our life.... the kid lives with us.


I dont mean to go off but it hurts me so deeply to see how unappreciative some people can be sometimes. I don't get it. And I know I am not supposed to get it. But I will NEVER let some kid try to pull my family backwards in this life. I WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER HELP MY BROTHERS TO STRIVE FORWARD AND TO BE THANKFUL FOR THE LITTLE THINGS AND KNOW THAT EVEN THROUGH ALL WE HAVE BEEN, WE ARE STILL BLESSED TO HAVE EACH OTHER. And if this kid wants to throw himself a miserable pity party over NOTHING, then he's gotta keep it to himself because my brothers will not be victims.... We are WARRIORS. And we will continue to go forward to help others and show love.